Tidings of comfort and joy

So, it's Christmas eve, and I'm home, finally. I actually arrived home a week ago, but haven't had chance to sit and collect my thoughts. I'm seriously debating looking at going to a different uni next year, transferring and finishing somewhere that the course actually fits what I want out of a degree. I do, to an extent, feel as though the course has been mis-sold to me, and that what's expected of me in a performance context should not be expected of someone who's (in theory) straight out of college - I feel that a conservatoire would've been easier and less pressured in fact (from what I understand, anyway, obviously I've not been there and only have my friend's accounts to go on). So that's going to be looked into in the new year, with the help of my tutor at uni, and maybe some help from others as well (maybe Rhodes still yet has a part to play in my education, who knows). In any case, I have plenty of work to be getting on with over xmas; even though I'm not planning on staying at uni, if I enter another uni at the 2nd year (which is what I plan on doing) then I'll still definitely need good grades (a 2:1 would be good!) to give me a good average into my 2nd year elsewhere. So I'll be practicing and working hard after xmas.

Today, I'm going for a meal with some friends from home (college, more specifically). For a cheap xmas meal at the beefeater. They're coming round to pick me up at 10 to 3, so I still have a little while to kill, I may well do some practice!! (or not, depending on how I feel haha).

Anyway, I don't have any readers to wish a Happy Christmas, but I'll wish everyone out there a happy time anyway. Hope your Christmases are as jolly and whatnot as I hope mine will be.

I forgot to add, I'm currently listening to: Peter, Paul and Mary - Early Morning Rain

So, what a fucking disaster the last few days have been. I can't be arsed to go into details, cause I've relived the moments over and over again in my head, but suffice it to say that I am no longer on speaking terms with QB. Not that I really give a flying fuck, mind, but I had hoped that we'd stay on friendly terms until the summer when I never have to see her big-nosed face again...

alas, that was not to be.

So, worse things have happened at sea, but it's knocked my confidence rather a lot, it must be said. I am taking consolation in the fact that I have a number of wonderful friends who accept me for who I am (opinions and all) and enjoy my geeky stories, and who like my sarcasm. I don't really see it as being such a problem, and y'know what?? Someone who doesn't accept me for me is not worth my time anyway. I've only known the girl for 9 weeks, and she's already judging my family and myself. Now, I'm not usually a big family-orientated person, but I won't stand for someone else badmouthing my little brother; he's an absolute darling. This is just an example of why she's angry with me. Well, QB, I've got something to tell you: fuck right off, I dont' want your little princess life interfering with mine anyway. cunt.

So, am looking into solo living next year, as a-student-living-in-a-house-with-a-family type thing. Seems a pretty good deal, and I won't have to put up with any shit from some jumped up 18 year old, either. And it's mega cheaper - score!!

In other news, my family came up to visit me this eve, which was a nice break, although I much prefer going to see them, cause it means getting away from the hell hole that is currently my house. (I like being able to eat scrambled eggs with peanut butter on toast whenever I choose, thankyouverymuch). After the concert on saturday, am going straight away on sunday morn. Just to get away. I NEED to get away. Even though QB's not here this weekend, I don't give a damn, it's just a nice excuse to go somewhere else, somewhere a bit different. :)

Am currently listening to: Vladimir Ashkenazy playing Chopin's "Raindrop" Prelude. Gorgeous sleepy-time music. As is most Chopin played by either Ashkenazy or Barenboim. Both are ah-may-zing.

So, I haven't slept in a few days, maybe I'll get straight to sleep tonight. Wish me luck!

Went to my dance class as usual on tuesday (told the housemates I was having a date, to get them off my back...it kind of was one anyway) and I flirted my little socks off with a boy who's caught my eye for a while. Unfortunately, there's a newbie to the class who's also taken a shine to him (and every other man in the room, but nevertheless, she's still shown an interest in the one I'm interested in). Well, what was a girl to do? I wanted to put her down and make fun of her all night, and when a man brought up how 'intense' or 'bubbly' she was, I agreed, but was always ladylike in my manner (when really I just would like to think that she's a bit of a slag, but she's foreign, so maybe they do things differently from where she's from, who knows?). Instead, I danced the night away with lots of nice men, and P (the boy), and we danced vertical-sex-esque for all of the dances we danced. He took my number. Great, however....what happens now? He hasn't called/texted. So I emailed him asking if he'd like to go for coffee next week. Presumptous? Maybe, but friends go for coffee too. But I do think he's interested, there are quite obvious signs there, even for a shy boy. Now, if only I could improve my ballroom skills, without paying £35 p/h for the privilege!!

A, currently listening to: the club that's a 5 minute walk from my house but whose noise still manages to permeate my walls of an evening. AND the chinese people upstairs fighting/talking loudly/shouting/doing weird things I have no desire to think about at nearly 1am when I have a 9am lecture. Needless to say I can't sleep.

Ok, so you know, the last post was a bit...well, harsh. However, that is kinda how I felt at the time. But, I've spoken to the girls about it, and I think things will improve now. Let's hope so, anyway.

In other news, I (well, I say 'I', it's actually my immune system) decided to go into meltdown this week. I spent 3 days throwing up into a bucket in bed. B-E-A-UUUUTIFUL! yeah, it was pretty gross to be honest. But the three days I spent not doing anything made me realise how little I actually DO on a daily basis. So I've turned over a new (academic, this is) leaf, and am gonna work super hard from now on. Today for example, I've caught up on the lectures that I missed (bar, one, but I need to get on the girl who said she'd give me her notes, I plan on doing that after this (see, super organised)) and have written a 2,000 word essay today. and I only started working at 12pm, and have cocked about with loooads of 'study breaks' (hey, a girl can't work all the time, right??) Just think what those few hours have done for my studies-ego :)

Of course, I do have lots to do still, having slacked about for a little bit too long, but I'm ready for the hard work to recommence! Let's go!

Am currently listening to 'Shine' by Take That while celebrating the fact that I've done an essay, despite the fact that my printer hates me. Perfect celebration choonz.

Calvin Harris seems to like all sorts of girls....personally, I struggle with girls as friends sometimes, particularly the ones I live with. I love them all, don't get me wrong, but they can be very unforgiving, and I've found they don't very often make an effort. There's always a Queen Bee, and if QB doesn't want to do something, then she'll be damned if anyone else is gonna do it. If I wanna go into this shop and she wants to go home, I'll end up going to that shop on my own and walking home on my own. In the rain.

Now, I'm not usually one to moan about these things, friendship is about give and take, right? but it happens pretty regularly, and I begin to question whether they actually give a shit...even though I know they do. I think.

And maybe it's just a blip, it's QB's birthday tomorrow, so we're going out tonight (and tomorrow) to celebrate...so she's probably just feeling a bit self-centred. Although the others could at least pretend to have a mind of their own once in a while...

Anyway, I bought a fabulous dress, so I don't really care.

Am currently listening to Jose Gonzalez while drinking vodka and eating cannelloni. While not even pretending to myself to be doing any work.

Saw L last night, was lovely to be around a friend who you don't always feel that you HAVE to make an effort with all the time. Not that I don't love my new friends, but you know what I mean. It's nice to just be around someone who knows you inside out, and who you know inside out. Had to sit through some tragic music, but it was worth it just to see her.

Just gotten back from visiting the parents, which is always nice. Being spoilt is the way forward. Fortunately, none of the housemates are in (not ones that I really speak to anyway), so I have some time to myself to get on with a few things. Like this, for example. Also a chance to write a cantus firmus (yeah, I know) and start typing up this report I need to do. Eurgh. It's not too bad, but y'know, a weekend off here and there wouldn't go amiss - cause I haven't done any work (to speak of) at home, I now have loads to catch up on now that I'm home. (having 2 homes is confusing, and expensive, I need 2 of everything. Almost feels as though I'm leading 2 lives, which I guess to a degree I am. Anyway, I don't really have anything to say, I just fancied writing to no one in particular, cause it's not like anyone reads this shite anyway, it's just the stream of consciousness of some student.

Am currently listening to Pink Floyd while writing a cantus firmus in the renaissance style. Lovely.

The beginnings of a diary

Like most women, I've kept a diary of varying sorts since I was about 8 (what the hell did I write about when I was 8 anyway?) The internet seems as good a way as any to keep one - at least I'll never lose it this way.

The stuff I write about won't always be on the day it happened - I carry round a notebook to note down interesting things that happened to me during the day. Or notes about my studies, for example: "Hit TSH over the head with a book saying 'Pedagogical' on the front, in the hope he never says it again" (I'm all for scholars and teachings, but seriously? You've made your point now, sweetheart.) I won't explicitly name my friends/collegues/professors in my blog, that would seem to me to be unfair, especially seeing as they don't know I'm writing this.

Anyway, I'm currently listening to Chopin Nocturnes played by Daniel Barenboim, while I should be writing an essay on Mozart piano sonatas....go figure.

Quote of the day:

"You were just talking about reacharounds and then introduced yourself to that lady. That's fucked up"